policy vs people

Libraries are full of guidelines, policy and procedures. A customer would be forgiven for not realizing how structured a library is-- from where a book goes, how we handle a damaged book, to how customers are suspended from library services. 

Suspended you say? Why would a customer be suspended? One customer saw our Security guard and half jokingly asked if he was there to track people down if they walked out with a book that wasn't checked out. 

No. we are not doing that. People do walk out without checking out books but we aren't chasing them down the street or banning them for said discretion. 

The library is a public place. A very public place. More public than most because you don't have to buy anything to be there and it offers services that you need for job searching- public computers and printing (which is free at my library). It's also a place where you can just go if it's cold or hot outside. So people do... they go to the library for more than checking out books- they hang out. They use computers, get on Facebook, sometimes print stuff that is questionable. 

And that means people of all ages and backgrounds are bumping up against each other which can mean there are encounters between customers- which is one of the things a Security Guard has to address. 

One of the most common customer complaints and negative interactions are with the kids. Adults, particularly the older adults don't like the kids on the public computer. They see their gaming as frivolous and feel they are taking up space. They also get mad at the noise they make even when they are talking in a reasonable tone of voice. If staff ask the kids to talk more quietly and the kids respond, that's often not enough for the adults who are unhappy with the kids presence in the first place. They just want the kids OUT of the library or at least off of the computers and our of their sight and it's not unusual for the adult customers to argue with staff about how they handle the situation. The kids are also annoying to some staff and they aren't very well equipped to handle the kids. They also just want them to talk in quiet voices and behave in less childlike behavior- I would say more adult-like behavior but adults often behave quite poorly and we put up with it.  As you can imagine this is all heightened in summer when the kids are out of school and it's hot outside.

 

Like now.

Last summer, we had a group of 10-12 kids come into the library who were pretty audacious. The first time I interacted with them, they were loud, some were using inappropriate language and when we told them they were too loud, they ignored us. It was quite frustrating - no doubt about it. It quickly set a tone of being somewhat adversarial with the kids which meant everyone was on edge as soon as the kids came in the building and they were coming in almost every day -to game and have snacks. 

Four or five of the teen/pre-teen boys along with one 8 year old were particularly challenging. They could be get quite loud while gaming and they often swore and use the "n" word. The librarians would tell them from the desk to keep it down which resulted in resentment from the teens for being shamed in public. To say the least, things weren't going well. 

One afternoon, our manager was visiting when the boys came in and he was talking to the boys. One of the older ones said he wanted to work at the library so the manager gave him his card and said "call me when you're ready to get a job." The boys hung around for a bit talking to both of us and I thought, "this is the way. I've made a connection. I've got to keep it going." 

So, that's what I did. I started hanging out by the computer area and chatting with the kids. I found out that one of the boys had just moved to our area but he was obviously missing his home in California because he showed me the house his mother lived in and then his grandmother's house. He told me about his school... The other kids told me about their interests. Sometime I had desk work to do so I would take a Chromebook and just sit by the kids , tell the adults to leave the kids alone if/when they started harassing them (which gave me the most credibility) and offered rewards if they had a good day. I also reminded them to watch the volume or the language but did so directly to the person so I wasn't shaming them or calling them out- just like I would any adult. This did not mean the kids were perfect but my coworkers did ask me to intervene with the kids when I was available and the kids asked for me just to say "hi" if they hadn't seen me. 

Things weren't perfect but they were better. At least when I was there. 

Unfortunately I wasn't always there and the staff didn't always ask me to intervene. Some staff preferred being more authoritarian in their interactions with the kids. They may have even resented my relationship with the kids. 

Our newly hired Security Guard and I got into an argument one day when she said she was going to suspend the kids and I told her we were not going to suspend any kids when I was the PIC. She said was too and walked off. Unfortunately, had she suspended the kids, I would not have had any choice but to support it because the policy in the library is that any staff can suspend a customer at any time. 

But kids are difficult- and that, is what this post is really about. Suspending kids. Because a kid did get suspended. 

Last fall (October I believe) the 8 year old, Armand, was in the library on a Sunday or Monday. I was off and he apparently asked one of the other young kids to use his bike. The kid (Alex) said okay and Armand headed out. At some point- it's not clear if it was before Armand actually left or if Armand knew he'd changed his mind, Armand headed off with the bike (he was getting another one of the boys) and Alex started yelling that Armand had stolen his bike. Stolen was a pretty strong accusation to make in this context. Alex knew Armand was bringing the bike back but Alex is a kid. Kids know adults are going to pay attention if words like "stolen" are used. And they did. 

When Armand came back an hour later with the bike (as he said he would), our Security Guard was on the lookout. She accused Armand of stealing the bike and would not listen when he told her otherwise (I learned later). She then talked with the building supervisor and the manager was contacted and they suspended Armand because stealing on library property is strictly against policy. I came in the next day and read an email saying he had been suspended but had not been told. It was left to me, essentially, to tell him and handle the suspension but I had no idea what had happened so when he came in later, I did not uphold the suspension. I felt like the building supervisor should have at least given me some information if I was supposed to carry out the heavy work of the suspension and when the Manager called me later to ask WHY I had not held up the suspension, that's what I told him. It was poorly handled but the kid was eventually suspended and was told he could not come back until it was resolved.  

A suspension for an adult is serious but doable. They meet with the Head of Security-  he (HoS) explains the policy and why their behavior was unacceptable and what they need to do differently moving forward. If they agree, he lifts the suspension. I THINK there is a year behavioral agreement that they have to agree not to do anything like that again (that of course depends on staff reporting the behavior- which may not happen since we have no way of knowing that a customer is under an agreement like that). When a child is suspended a parent has to meet with the Head of Security and in essence agree their child will be held to account for their behavior. Assuming the child has a parent who is willing to do that. Assuming the parent is not abusive.

And this is where things become complicated and in my view somewhat ugly.

 

Some years ago, the library changed the policy to allow more access to kids. We used to require kids to have a parent before a kid could get a library card. Now they do NOT need a parent- we just make the card and get as much information as possible. If they know their birthday and their full name, they get a provisional card which allows them to check out 3 items, full computer access, free printing, and full ebook access. Cool! That's great! I love that kids have that access. But the parent may not even know they have a card when they get suspended. 

Kids also have the right to privacy at the library. When they get a full library card, they do need to have a parent with them and I always tell the parents, "your kid has the right to privacy. If you need to see what is on their account, you'll have to log in at home to check it or if you are here, they'll need to be with you" The right to privacy and how that all plays out is tricky but essentially- we don't help parents monitor kids cards. We also don't stop them from checking out anything they want so if they come in and check out adult manga or a rated R or non-rated adult movie, we can't and don't stop them.  The right to privacy also means that if a parent calls looking for a child who may have walked to the library to use the computers, we won't tell the parent. The only thing we can do is take a description and tell anyone who fits the description to phone home. 

I believe in kids right to privacy. I worked in a public school and I knew kids who were scared to check out books on menstruation- kids should have access to material/information! But this sets up a certain dynamic between the library and the parent and I have had MANY conversations with parents who get angry as soon as I say "your child has the right to privacy" but in reference to a suspension, if we are telling parents "no, I can't tell you..." "no, I can't tell you if they're here" but then suddenly "you have to come in now, you're responsible for this behavior..." If I were a young parent and were told that, I would not be that agreeable with the library's policy.   

My branch has many kids who walk to the library because we have several large apartment complexes very close. The kids may be out just playing and say, "hey let's go play on the computers" and never even tell their parents because they are just 50 feet from where they were playing in the first place. They come in and make a library card based on the access we allow them and then we, because we are not really interested in working with the kids, struggle with the kid's behaviors. Some staff are happy just to kick them out and even happier when they are suspended- seeing the library as a privilege the kids are afforded not as a refuge and place of safety. I do. Or did until Armand got suspended. 

Armand came back in to the library this spring and wanted to be able to come back to the library. He was in the computer area with some of the older kids and his sister. Armand told me then that he didn't steal the bike and explained what happened. I told my supervisor and he said "don't you think he's lying?" No I don't think he was lying. He DID bring the bike back. If you're stealing something you don't bring it back. Kids do exaggerate. My boss admitted the other kid might not be the most reliable narrator either and it's possible he may have exaggerated the theft. He suggested I call the Head of Security and see what they advise but we had to follow the procedure. 

I called and no one was there unfortunately so I emailed with the hope that he would get back to me the next day. Unfortunately that meant I had to kick Armand out that day- along with his sister because she was watching him- because he's just 9. He's not 13 or 14.  I told him to check with me the next day and hopefully we could get things worked out. 

And he did. I hadn't received a response to my email but I was able to call and talk to the 2nd in command of Security. He talked to Armand but unfortunately that did not go well. He would not listen when Armand tried to explain he did not steal the bike. He asked Armand about having his mother come in and Armand told him his mother would not come in. Then he said "how about your dad?" "What Dad?" This was clearly upsetting to Armand and SHOULD have been a warning to the man that he'd frustrated the kid, but no, he just interpreted the conversation as "not sorry" and "antagonistic." I got back on the phone and the 2nd in Command said they were not going to let the child come back without following the suspension procedure. 

Gah. There's no way the mom is going to come in. I have spoken to Armand and the older boys several times. 

I contacted the Head of our Youth Services and it seemed like there might be a way to open a door for Armand to come back to the library. We were set to meet but then I got COVID so the meeting was cancelled. In the meantime, Armand kept coming back into the library and tried to tell staff I was working on something so he COULD come back in. I had told him he needed to listen to staff if we were going to work on this but he's 9 for fuck's sake- so no surprise that he didn't listen and he kept trying to push the boundaries. He also came in WITH the older boys and they weren't interested in his suspension, they just wanted to be on the computers. Eventually they left with him when he couldn't argue his way out of it anymore but Armand obviously knew the older boys wanted to be in the library... so, pushing was the way.

Meanwhile, the aforementioned Security Guard was trying to make sure he didn't come back without following procedure and was writing up reports to document each and every time he stepped into the branch. She was also one of the people who had the most authoritarian attitude with the kids so it wasn't surprising to me that Armand wasn't listening to her (he's definitely not an easy kid).  Tensions again escalated - resulting in Armand pointing a toy gun at the Security Guard and shouting a threat at her. She, of course, reported it and now any chance of having the suspension lifted without a parent is nonexistent. And that means... he's not allowed on library property until he's an adult and can speak on his own behalf. 

We have set ourselves up for this! We have invited the kids to come in unsupervised. We don't even have the parents in ONE time to set up the library card. We do not preemptively train ALL staff on how to work with kids and even when we do, it just takes one staff member who refuses to build relationships with the kids and chooses to have a more adversarial relationship with them to undo the work of the others and lead to a suspension- which can then mean they will never come back. The irony of all this that our Mission and Values are "Equity, Diversity, Welcoming, Curiosity and Stewardship"- 4 out of 5 of which should mean we are centered around children and their development no matter how difficult they are. It's maddening.  

Let me be clear: I am not against kids having some sort of consequence when they are out of bounds at the library. My issue is that it should NOT be the same as adults. You don't put a toddler in timeout the same amount of time as a 6 year old and you don't put a 16 year old in time out. You don't put a 16 year old in an adult prison (thank god!) - even our terrible judicial system realizes a 16 year old shouldn't be treated the same as a 20 year old.     

It's time to come home

I've been away for a long time. I've been on Facebook Twitter and there is no truth there. Not because I am not willing to tell the truth but because I am boxed in by my different worlds. I have work friends and bosses, family and family friends, old friends and new friends that all know me from different angles. Sigh... it's simply too much pressure. And humorously, they would probably say I was outspoken and they were inspired (or annoyed) by me speaking my truth. And they would all be right. I am outspoken. In some regards.

I think I will start here and full disclosure, I posted this to Facebook but I am including some info that I could not post there because my son is on Facebook and I did not want to tell his story there where others in our family would read it or judge it.  

This is going to be a long post. It’s about mental health, policing, housing and a system that is incapable of true help. It’s a true story but not a complete story. It’s ongoing... complex... and unsolved. I don’t have the answer but I know what isn’t working.

My (Black) middle son has significant mental health issues that as a kid made it impossible to do homework, function in class or participate in sports.  He has been treated for mental health issues since he was 5 and been in the hospital more than once for trying to kill himself. As a child he would throw hours long temper tantrums. H O U R S long. Sometimes as long as 6 hours. He was known to sit and bang his head on the door and scream and cry. I took him to thereapists and child psychiatrists and we tried any number of meds and techniques. He was diagnosed with Sensory Integration disorder and they recommended brushing and pulling his arms, having him suck on straws.

Nope.   

He was diagnosed with Mood disorder-- unspecified (they said in children they couldn't say Bi-polar which is probably best as he isn't and I have a better sense of what he is now) but that meant they tried all kinds of mood stabilizers, non of which worked.

In 4th grade they kicked him out because he kept taking off and hiding when he became overwhelmed. Later in middle school he was referred to the Mental Health Corp of Denver to their treatment center because the special needs department at his large public school couldnt help him.

It wasn’t long before MHCD kicked him out because THEY couldn’t manage his behaviors.

As an adult the situation worsened. His inability to control his emotions and process prevents him from him from holding a job, being able to pay bills, maintain a residence, and all the adult things. More problematic is that the general attitude towards mental health in this country is that people should medicate and get their shit together.

But medication comes with its own set of problems. They often leave the person out of it or tired all the time (just a few of the side effects) which means it’s still hard to work or keep track of the things you need to do. Many medications used for mental health problems have been in use for a long time and do little to actually help. For example we still administer drugs for bi-polar disorder that we used 30-40 years ago (primary drug of choice is lithium). But lithium can cause blindness in some and has many other terrible side-affects in others. But we don’t care that it doesn’t really help as long as they’re drugged up enough to stop being a nuisance.

Ultimately, the expectation is that families should take care of their struggling family members. But for all the advice and all the tips& strategies I was given over the years, I was not capable of helping him calm himself down, learn to think things through and handle the next situation better. So, fifteen years later, many of the same issues trigger him into a deep depression, or worse, into aggressive behavior.

Which then leads me to the next problem....

Over the years his teachers, social workers and other professionals always told us to call the police when he was escalating- meaning he was breaking things, yelling or being threatening. And I did a few times- guiltily knowing it could go very poorly for him- for all of us. Mostly the police said there was nothing they could do and I was always relieved that it didn’t result in police taking him away in handcuffs but that was generally when he was younger. There didn’t seem to be anything anyone could do. I certainly don’t feel safe when he is punching walls and telling me he wishes I would die but it never feels criminal either. When he was living with me and I called the police he was always protected by my whiteness, my calm and he was never arrested. However the last time I called the police, they told me I needed to evict him because they weren’t coming to my house anymore.

He did move out- out of state and now there is a different situation...

Now that he's in relationships with women his own age and they're arguing or he's just being who he is when he's losing it. the police aren't likely to just check and make sure he's not suicidal. They are more likely to assume it's a domestic dispute and he is more likely to get arrested. Generally I hear, “well he has to face the consequences of his behavior” or “he’ll have to learn...” I’m never sure what to say to this.  

Police are expected to be mental health experts , social workers AND to negotiate highly volatile situations like the Columbine shootings or Aurora shootings and often with less training on these issues than a hair dresser. Mental health crisis are the TOP reason police are called to a scene. In this high stress world MORE of our population are struggling with crippling anxiety and depression and other mental health crisis. We need change. Real change.

In my sons case involvement with police has just added difficulty on top of difficulty — he now has to follow court orders, see a PO regularly, find and keep a job and whatever else the court orders. He starts with good intentions and quickly becomes overwhelmed and then either gives up, or worse, looses it again- which then means he winds up interacting with police again. It’s a terrible vicious cycle. And no real help in sight. Just a vague hope that the medication he has been ordered to take will make him docile enough to stay out of trouble. But will it really help him do the basics? Help him negotiate negative interactions? (or just his inner dialogue that tells him he’s worthless?)help him find and KEEP a job? Pay the rent? Pay the electrical bills? Keep his phone on?

The evidence is not on his side.

Too many people on our streets are struggling with the same issues* (my son is unhoused btw). Their families can’t live with them. Medication didn’t help enough to enable them to do basic functions in a high functioning society and so they sleep where they can, eat when they can scrounge up enough money- either on the corner with a sign or doing odd jobs- and do what they need to do to stay safe. There is no stand your ground law for the unhoused and the streets are dangerous- not just from other unhoused who may be desperate but also from those who see unhoused people as less than, non-people, and decide to take things in their own hands. Police are either less than helpful or a threat.

We live in a troubled world and it is becoming more difficult to negotiate by the day. As I said at the beginning, I don’t have all the answers but I do know that what we’re doing isn’t working and we need to change. We need complex answers to an increasingly complicated issue. I also know we don’t like having to admit the problems are complex. We want simple solutions- follow this diet to lose weight, read this book to become a millionaire, follow these steps to become a happier you.

If only life weren’t, well, LIFE....It might be that easy.

I hope, before you jump to a knee jerk reaction against calls to defund the police that you find out the details of what they mean. They don’t want to just eliminate police altogether- they want to change what police do. We definitely need police to arrive at a scene like Columbine with the training and experience they need. We don’t need police to deal with a mentally ill person the same way they do Timothy McVay. Better yet they shouldn’t have to get involved. That is part of the defund police plan- having the properly trained person at the scene of our emergencies.

*not all unhoused people have mental health problems. Some are caught in other societal problems such as eviction which then makes it incredibly difficult to get another place to live.

 

Smash the Patriarchy

Early archeology of Biblical history reveals that there were multiple religions in the Palestinian region well into the early days of the monarchical period, one these being the female goddess Asherah.  Biblical references to to Asherah, a goddess who some scholars argue was the consort of El or Yahweh, others argue was the consort of Ba’al, can be found in I Kings 18:19, Genesis 49:25 and 2 Kings 23:4. The worship of Asherah and other deities were seen as “artifacts… a source of inspiration and comfort” rather than “as Pinocchio that might come to life.” Religious leaders of the period would have us believe that sexual depravity was rampant among the pagan religions of the region, in fact, archeology tells us another story. The writers of the early text describe the people as deluded and gullible. They told the people that Yahweh was the one and only god and it is their waywardness, their faithlessness that leads to Yahweh finally turning his back on them.This is widely seen by scholars as a way to get the people to turn away from the worship of pagan gods and pull them into the national religion of Yahweh and it was, coincidentally, god who ordained the kings of Israel. Interestingly in later writings, Yahweh is a loner, in sharp contrast to other religions, he has no consort. Most deities of the regions had a female consort but in Judaic mythological imaginings there was no divine female to be by his side. Later Israelites tell the stories of the female divine in the Shekinah and as one scholar points out the text seems to indicates the “Israelites experienced the same goddess-hunger that can be found in peoples and cultures around the world.” Unfortunately, these references to the god-mother have been lost to Judaism and today there is only the barest reference to the feminine deity.

In the New Testament, there is little distinction in how they perceive the Father deity although we do see women gaining more prestige in the early church because of their proximity to Jesus and testimony of his teachings. Women were engaged in prophesy and ecstatic experience. However, resistance to women’s leadership in the church follows pretty quickly. Paul writes to the Corinthians and sets all straight with a hierarchical chart, "But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God." I Corinthians 11:3

As the church gained political power after Constantine’s death bed conversion, the king/god relationship becomes a way for the church to wield political power. Roman emperors shift away from the Pagan gods and there is a move to cleanse Roman society of their deities and the Roman lifestyle- one that allowed men whatever sexual pleasures they desired. whether male or female, while women were largely regulated to serving men. Within the  Catholic tradition there is an introduction of the Virgin Mary at this time so the pagan rituals are folded into the new state church but Mary relegates women to motherhood and childbearing rather than giving them a goddess.

The Pope’s influence over the Kings was potent. In 800 Pope Leo III crowned the Frankish ruler Charlemagne as Roman Emperor, a major step toward establishing what later became known as the Holy Roman Empire: from that date on the Popes claimed the prerogative to crown the Emperor. If the Pope condemned a king the whole country was condemned to hell. When King Henry the VIII decided he wanted to annul his marriage to Catherine of Aragon (she could not give him a son and he, meanwhile, had fallen in love with Anne Boleyn), what ensued was a major crisis as Henry appealed to the Pope to try and get him to annul his marriage and the Pope attempted to maintain control of the English head of state by disallowing the dissolution of his marriage. Finally Henry broke from the Catholic church and aligned himself with the British reformation. Since this was more for convenience than from doctrinal change of heart, as king he is now the god appointed King and the head of the newly formed church of England but not without great consequence for England which would later become embroiled in a battle between the two religious powers. (Anne Boleyn has been immortalized as a protestant saint for being beheaded for her protestant leanings when in fact she was beheaded when Henry’s roving eye moved elsewhere).

From the beginning the Biblical myths created a religion that deified a great Patriarch in heaven. If God is in his heaven and is a Father ruling his people, then it is in the nature of things that society be male dominated and later, white since the church was interpreted and translated by Greco-Roman men. Marriage, sex, all societal roles are seen within this context and, as a result, the oppression of women is right and fitting, the natural order. This is so pervasive that even people who do not believe in god are influenced by this ancient patriarchal order.

In the beginning was the word

"and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him..."

I was raised with those words as a foundation to my being. Jesus died for my sins and his Father loved me so much that he sent His Son to die for me so that I could live. It was simple... 

As a woman the image of God as Father meant a lot of really complicated things to me and the connection between the white Father figure in the Bible was something one didn't really need to think about- it just... WAS. The sad reality is that it is so ingrained in the culture that you don't even have to articulate that you think god is white or male but the feeling that God is indeed male and white is just there. 

As I grew older I questioned that belief and it led me away from the church, away from belief in a male deity. Any deity actually. I won't go into a long theological diatribe about my own belief system I have had some thoughts I have been left with today that I thought about posting to FB but it would take up too much of a post and also, it's not necessarily something I want to share with everyone. So for those who clicked on the link, I assume you have some interest. 

If God is our father (and let us admit that the preponderance of images of the all the ancient texts show god as male- the female images that women worshiped in pre-bibical times were wiped out by the men, the men who wrote the bible and the few that are left are quite scant.) then men take on a relationship to God that women don't have. It's undeniable and it's subconscious. Men can try to deny this or reorder how they interact with the people in their lives so they more accurately align with who they believe God is, but the intention is still the same, the Men and God have a particular relationship and it is deeply ingrained in our culture. And that's just one of my observations: Men are too close to being God-like no matter whether you are liberal or conservative- it is deep in the religious psyche. So much so that it infects the non-religious.