still here

My migraine sort of lingers. I don't have any head pain at the moment but that's because I took a Maxalt earlier (and I guess technically they aren't pain pills. What they do are much more frightening, at least to me. Migraine meds contract the vessels that are expanding which is exactly what causes the pain. Before I knew what I was really dealing with, I always said that it felt as though the my heart was pulsing on one side of my head. The danger of the pills -in my case- is that I become used to certain meds and have to use more and more of them. At their worst, I took 4 pills before they switched medication) but I am tired from the medication and from working all day.

I am also concerned about my son's damn tropical gecko, Archimedes II... He's breathing rather hard and doesn't seem to be eating. I hate the thought that it might not be doing very well. I can't stand the thought that it might be dying but I can't afford a tropical veterinarian either. If anyone has any ideas... (I don't think he looks very good even in the picture... kinda thin)

So I think it's a nice night for a quick post: a favorite picture I took last year sometime around mid-October (another lovely lengthy Autumn!). This is a Cooper's Hawk that lives (or lived) near the river I walk by occasionally. I spotted him eyeing his breakfast as I was walking back to my car. I got several amazing shots as he flew around the yard but this one was my header last fall:

He was an amazing looking bird. Hope you have a lovely Saturday. 

An old friend

You came by with a little nudge on the back of her shoulder this afternoon. She shrugged you off hoping you would go away in the usual way. It's been over a year since the two of you had a real knock-down-drag-out and she thought she had had the last word when she took that doctor's advice and showed you the door. Take these pills and come back to see me if you need some more help, he'd said with a smile. I think we've got it all under control though. She looked at him in disbelief, after all, the two of you had been together for a long time... the purchase of a house, the birth of her youngest son and the flailing years of an already bad marriage. Almost twenty years. Hard to believe that she was going to get rid of you now. You don't believe me? Confidence of a man who has spent too many years in school being told that he can do anything with his education and the right prescription. We'll see. Lack of confidence of a woman who has been left throwing up into a box in the backseat of her car, eyes and head spinning. Then she tries to head to refuge and bed only giving in after having barely driven a mile, she pulls over to cry, throw up some more, rest and drive a bit further. Rinse and repeat.  Disbelief of a woman who takes pain pills 2 or 3 times a week to be able to function. Sometimes not functioning. Because of you. Because you have been around for nearly as long as she can remember.

And here you are again...
nagging, pinching, pulsing,

Sounds, colors, dimensions rotating, echo and slide off one another into a kaleidoscopic reality that defies attempts to focus 
Lights and angling surfaces lose focus, an agonizing back-drop to the little universe of frayed nerves
 rolling, reeling space
disconnect between

Thought                              &

hand
should lie down
only worse!
not throwing up...! thank god
yet
Medicine now!
 to get rid of...
my "friend" of 20 (or more??) years.


(Once again. I am indebted to my doctor, Dr. Moon of the Denver Neurological Clinic that my migraines have gotten so much better! While I am not completely cured as he had hoped, they are so much better that I am no longer taking migraine pain medication 2 or 3 times a week which also means that I don't have to worry that my insurance cover it and force me to pay $200 for the medicine -which only lasted a week- or leave me begging & crying for help from the pharmacist. Which I did one day. Completely humiliating.)

Occupy Wall Street

Warning: This post contains political content. 

There are protesters gathered in New York today and have been for a couple of weeks now to remind us that Wall Street has purchased our government. Over a thousand have suffered arrest in the process. They are there to say simply: We are the 99%. There is a young man holding up a sign that says "I have to choose between an education or a meal." A retired gentleman that says, "Wall Street stole 25% of my 401k" And an elderly woman peaking over the top of a piece of paper that says, "I am weeks within running out of unemployment-- can't find a job-- and soon will not be able to pay my rent. Retirement eaten up by medical bills for my-- now deceased-- partner. I'm one of the 99%"

I consider myself fortunate. I have a city job that has paid sick and holidays. I have decent health insurance (although it will increase once again this year). I don't make a lot of money but it pays the bills. I'm a single mother (no child support) with more than my share of health care costs and my son also has asthma and needs medicine. At this moment I am rubbing my tongue on a chipped tooth in the back of my mouth. It's broken and needs fixed but I can't afford a root canal and I don't want it yanked out. I pay more for food, gas... basic survival and will lose out on money I have paid into Social Security and Medicare (when I get to that stage in my life) if things continue to go in the direction they are going because 1% of the population feels they are above the rules of society. I am the 99%. 

Many stories but all there to remind America that Wall Street is stealing the American dream out from under us. We can't all be there to protest but we can support them in our own way-- from our blogs, from our tweets, from our pictures. After all YOU ARE ONE OF THE 99%. 

#Occupy Wall Street!!  

Upload an "I'm the 99%" story.

Send a message of support to those occupying Wall Street. 

Check out and share the stories and messages posted by others.  

Here's a pretty powerful video of people who are at the protests: http://vimeo.com/29953676

What would I say to me when I was 15?

Life is...
Beautiful
MAGICAL
fun 
full of adventure 
There are...
Hills to climb Oceans to cross Rivers to ford   

and thinking great thoughts 
Those are the first things 
I would tell a fifteen-year-old me
that I was..
funny-likable-caring-talented-intelligent
full of love
give in to passion, to love
Passion is a tyrant of the heart 
but don't be afraid
You might make mistakes...
IT'S OKAY!
That's how you learn
Unless you refuse to learn what life has to teach you
There will be difficult times ahead
You might lose your way
But you can reclaim yourself by knowing 
WHO YOU ARE
holding tight to who you are and not believing 
THE LIES
that the outside wants to tell you about yourself
that you need to be
goldenblonde-modelthin-cheerleadyhappy-PERFECT
if you can hold on to the child, 
the child who loves sunshine 
singing 
dancing in the rain 
and laughing 
and reading all night 
and writing... 
if you can keep that joy,
 that love of life... 
then you will meet what comes 
with everything 
that you will need to have a good life, my darling.