In July, I went to see a neurologist about my migraines with the insane hope that he might help me. I have had migraines for years, at least 15 years and by this time I was taking migraine meds at least once a week and sometimes more. (Many of these walks I take, the trips to the zoo, etc. would not have happened because many days I was simply worn out from the meds or the pain) Sometimes I required so many meds that I had to beg the pharmacist to give me more than my premium #1 healthcare would allow and they had to fool the insurance company into allowing it (Yay! American health insurance!!!!--yup, sarcasm). A low point was when I actually broke down crying when the pharmacist told me it would be $200 dollars for 6 pills if I needed them right then (which I did). It's lovely crying at the grocery store.
Four months later, I have not been bedridden with one... So in a final homage to my migraines I will simply post a migraine... (at least I hope they are finally really gone!)
My head oscillates on my neck- each ending point producing a tiny jolt in the back of my skull. I lean back onto the bench and close my eyes, hoping to ease the ache that is settling in behind my eyes. My interiors bob. The pinprick of a thousand needles interferes with the faces of the chorus before me. Lunging into my bag I seek relief before I’m overwhelmed with misery, swallowing like it’s my final gulp of water before succumbing to death, then adjust back and neck so that they align or at least lie in conjunction to each other. My eyelids close out of self-preservation rather than lingering weariness. If I caught it in time…
Time… metronomic and precise, calculated and mathematical. Suddenly suspended. Interminable. Endless. Only slogging on to the next fraction with the reluctance of a child returning home for punishment.
Tick, the nerve throbbing behind my eye,
tock, veins pulse behind my left nostril,
tick, ache at the top of the left eyeball,
tock, light ray penetrating cornea,
tick, head seems to expand- hostile takeover of the senses,
Sounds, colors and dimensions rotate, echo, and slide off one another into a kaleidoscopic reality that defies attempts to focus. Lights and angling surfaces lose focus, an antagonizing back-drop to my universe of frayed nerves, tumbling intestines and pulsing eyeballs.
I need to get home...