Humpty Dumpty...

It would be too much of a cliche to say my mind was elsewhere. Ha! Who doesn't get behind the wheel and half a block down, their mind is already midway through the day, planning lunch, thinking about phone calls that need to be made, or the to-do list that you'd write if only you could write legibly while writing?
Might try it just this once...?
Or get that phone call out of the way if the phone is just within reach..."
Glancing up, a blurred look at the cars in front of me and over to the seat as reach over for my coat. Failing to find the object I was looking for in the fleeting moment I thought it was safe to try. I look back at the street. Red light. Cars chestnut lights in front of me. Too close.
Foot down!
To the floor! 
Brake!
oh my god
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
im in one piece. 
Okay. I'm...
okay
You okay? 
It's all business from there. Calls to insurance. Exchange of information. A tow?
It wasn't till later when I thought through the driving classes I've taken lately for work. The reminders of how fast it happens.
It will never happen to me. It happened to me. Just a glance. I looked. I didn't see. The light didn't register. Too distracted and I was multitasking.
Lesson learned. And learned hard.
Did you know that talking on a cell phone is as bad as being drunk? And people get in accidents all the time while driving distracted from eating or putting on makeup. Sleeping is also as bad as being under the influence.
Well, so now I have this cute little car:

       But I didn't have car payments before.
Sigh

Conversations with a friend

We are faced with choices all the time. There are paths we take that lead us to... who knows where? 

It can be a bit frightening and we might want to turn around and hide. But we move on...

We struggle up the final leg and find ourselves looking at the world from a whole new perspective.

And if we're really searching, we will also find delicate wonders growing in an unexpected places

real life

this DVD wouldn't scan the other ones

found this book on the shelf, it's published by the

Thank you

I am over 90 years old imagine me running around

Would you renew all my

you're looking pretty good for a

print up a slip

it wasn't in the system

what

I was traveling around

in the computer, we didn't have it

I don't know how many times I saw things tha

can I help

you need to look for that, I returned it

those items at home, I'll bring them

check again. I returned 

renewed these, the others wouldn't

well I keep very good track of my

they had holds

did you renew 

you're going to have to let me get back to work

they wouldn't renew, there might be fines

you have a good even

you too 

have any music by Sting

I can check

Sting? 

from now on you're going to need to get a receipt and we'll go over it to

or Vince Gill

I'm sorry I was rude

I'd also like to know if you

time to go home

you'll need to check out

have a book about an Octopus

there are just a few minutes before

child or adult?

I'm signing out

adult

thank you, have a nice evening

I can show you

that would be nice

locking the door

shutting down the computer

it's snowing again

Your moment of zen

Mondays can be harried and harassed. Time to get back to "the grind," the world of busyness beckons, wrapping us in a whirlwind of do-nexts. 

Perhaps that makes it even more important to sit and listen to the whispers in the wind...

(the path to Mt. Evans last October)

What would I say to me when I was 15?

Life is...
Beautiful
MAGICAL
fun 
full of adventure 
There are...
Hills to climb Oceans to cross Rivers to ford   

and thinking great thoughts 
Those are the first things 
I would tell a fifteen-year-old me
that I was..
funny-likable-caring-talented-intelligent
full of love
give in to passion, to love
Passion is a tyrant of the heart 
but don't be afraid
You might make mistakes...
IT'S OKAY!
That's how you learn
Unless you refuse to learn what life has to teach you
There will be difficult times ahead
You might lose your way
But you can reclaim yourself by knowing 
WHO YOU ARE
holding tight to who you are and not believing 
THE LIES
that the outside wants to tell you about yourself
that you need to be
goldenblonde-modelthin-cheerleadyhappy-PERFECT
if you can hold on to the child, 
the child who loves sunshine 
singing 
dancing in the rain 
and laughing 
and reading all night 
and writing... 
if you can keep that joy,
 that love of life... 
then you will meet what comes 
with everything 
that you will need to have a good life, my darling. 

Planned obsolescence? Planned murder, more like!

Computers are the ultimate model in planned obsolescence which is frustrating but it means I have learned to take care of my computer. And I pride myself in being a self-taught computer tech- the techies downtown are generally happy with me because when they give me directions over the phone I can carry them out with little or no angst. But today, I may have met my match. My computer is having some sort of issue where it doesn't communicate with the USB ports which means that my cordless mouse no longer works and the light of my life, my digital camera, will not communicate with my computer. AHHHHHHHH!!!! I cannot express to you how frustrating this is. I LOVE my digital camera and how easy it is to take pictures, download them and then post them on my blog. Not to mention that as I was checking out the problems on the HP website, it appears the problem is not only expensive but could become worse if not fixed. It could mean my ipod shuffle won't communicate with my computer and eventually the disc drive I burn discs from might not work. The whole situation makes me to do this...

All in all folks, I feel they have us coming and going. The banks and oil barons own the politicians and can get whatever they want in Washington. Meanwhile the people we buy our stuff from: potato chips, shoes, computers, etc. make the common stuff we buy more cheaply so they don't last half as long (and in the case of potato chips has anyone else noticed how few potato chips are actually in a bag of potato chips while you are paying more???). I haven't had a pair of comfortable shoes for tennis or exercising in for ages! I try them on, they feel great and then get them home and they're torture (and I am not buying Walmart specials, folks!) Now my computer is giving me fits after two years and I have done everything I could to take care of this damn machine!!! 

Any techies out there know how to fix this problem? 

I'm desperate!!! 

Update: It appears the problem is fixed-- FOR NOW. I'm not holding my breath because it wasn't anything I really did so the problem could come back as easily it went away. But I much thank Michael Offut for trying to help me out! Thanks Michael!!! You're a real sweet heart. 

...and waiting

I had my interview for the position of Lead clerk today (Wednesday). It went well according to the Senior who I work under (she told me at the end of the day- which was a little odd). 

Interview!!!!

So apparently there was a little glitch in the application process and I almost didn't get the interviews that I had assumed were a given. It was a weird glitch which I almost wish I could bore you with the emails with just to prove it was weird but I won't. (lucky you! or maybe lucky me for having the sense not to bore my readers!) At any rate, tomorrow I have my first interview! Okay now before we all get too excited this it not for the job I really want this is for a straight across move although a more interesting position because I might get to go on the book mobile which is kinda cool (looks kinda fun doesn't it?).

This job is really meant to get me out of the cluster of libraries I am in IF I don't get the other position that I really want. I am not giving up and STILL HOPING I will get the lead clerk position!!!! But there was some gossip today that the librarian that is interviewing me seemed a little hesitant to hire from within the branch (you know managing the people you have been a coworker of) so I guess I am going to have to convince her I can handle the change. Well, perhaps what I really need to do is convince her I have already been managing it and it won't change much. No word yet on that interview but I expect they will call by the end of the week. 

No word yet from the literary magazine so that is good news at this point... 4-6 few more weeks and no word will mean they aren't even going to send me the bad news but right now they are probably at least putting it in the "this just in" pile. Hopefully it will make the "to be considered" pile.    

One final thing: Tomorrow I will be posting a surprise written especially for my blogging friends and I hope you will enjoy it immensely as it unfolds! 

Bolder Boulder

A sunny spring day. The streets were aflurry of activity. People of all ilk have awoken from their winter blahs and are out and about.  

The Rubberband man and his bendable bones had his little assistants assisting in revealing how limber he really is. 

Musical instruments abound-- occasionally the sound that is heard is appealing and pleasant- other times? It's a lesson in what not to do on Pearl Street Mall unless you're desperately trying to drive people away. 

The Statueman shifts positions just in time to be not quite so statuesque

while the Busker enthralls with his dance of daring dos and do nots.

and the nimble hands of the musicmakers give off all the right vibes 

Just another beautiful Saturday in downtown Boulder, Colorado!

Birthday extravaganza

Having mentioned the birthday, the pictures need to be posted before the boy is able to drive so... 

Having had a warmer than average October, the first Sunday of November (the day before Mack's actual day of birth) was as bright and sunny as the boys' smiling faces. 

Rudy is a neighborhood friend

We rounded up the party and headed off for fun-- or perhaps to be sick if one were to judge by Tristan's face. 

Tristan is Mack's best friend of the last four years

Growing up

This morning: The mouse said, "Why can't we (in the USA) spend more money curing cancer? Why do we spend so much money on war?"
Is there an answer to that that I can contain in the three-five minutes before I drop him off at school?

This afternoon: The mouse me said he has to avoid saying words with "C" in them because they make his voice squeak. "I can't say "Ameri-c-a" or "se-c-ond" he worries.
 Perhaps it is a fluke," I point out, "not so much the word as the fact that you are thirteen now."
"Maybe. But it's weird to just say something and have it come out like that."
And there's no answers to that either really-- it's just being thirteen

Time to say thanks!

Forty-#*$*@ (I used to proudly state my age- as I get older I find that I am not quite so generous with those numbers) years ago today I was born in Podunkstown, Oklahoma-- also known as Nowheresville or Smalltown. Fortunately escape was in the stars and I wound up in Denver. Had I stayed in Nowheresville...well, let me just say that the life of many of my kinfolk has not turned out anything like mine. So that is the first thing I am grateful for on my birthday and on this week of Thanksgiving. In spite of my grumbling about the weather and the conservative politics here I'd rather be here... 

than there! (not pictured)

It's been quite a year. Maybe the best year in the last five years which has been the best five years of my life. So many things are settling down-- just less turmoil! My relationship with my daughters continues to improve which I am grateful for. They show signs of maturity which I am most thankful for!

I'm grateful to have a pretty great kid! He's doing well in school, he's polite and everybody who meets him speaks highly of him! 

He and his friend Rudy (in front) from his birthday two weeks ago.

I am thankful for my job in an economy that is as uncertain as this one.

I enjoy my coworkers and I have a nice boss which I have not always been able to say and though I don't make tons of money at my job, I don't dread walking in the door in the morning which is really nice. A few of my coworkers are great friends (Amanda, Jan, Robert, Noel) which is really great. Amanda, the honoree of my post in October will be leaving us for a better job and I am very happy for her but I am also sad about that. She painted me a lovely picture some time ago which I always cherish. 

I have found some terrific friends online! Some time ago-- last year? I found Conchscooter's blog. It's his picture diary on living in the Keys all year round with great pictures, and interesting comments as well. I began commenting on his blog and he became an occasional commenter here. Though he's not listed as my "Blogging Friend" his comments made blogging fun at a time when comments were few and far between. Last summer when passing through Denver on a lengthy road trip it was he and Layne's intention to stop and have dinner with Maurice and I. It didn't work out as I was working when he drove through but we did wind up meeting up in Key West when we were there on vacation in August. We had lunch with he and his wife and had a very enjoyable time! 

(I didn't take any photos of for some strange reason! but he did)

and another day we went out taking pictures of Key West. He and his dog Cheyenne were most hospitable.

note his trademark pink crocs

We also visited him at the police station where he works. It is most enjoyable to find friends in places you visit and I am very glad we got to meet each other on our blogs. Thanks for your friendship Michael! 

I have met other friends blogging via NaWribloMo-- and I should, in mentioning, NaWriBloMo, thank Amy Kalinchuk who began the crazy month long blogging thing. Three years ago I had no idea what the whole thing was about and I certainly didn't get into the spirit of it, but I did start blogging as a way of working on writing when I couldn't write at home. So thanks Amy! And thanks Heather for keeping it going!

And thanks to all my new "Blogging Friends" that I met this year- Sarah, Roland, clp333, Aleta, Rayna, Cruella, Jen, Patricia, & Alexandra . It has been so interesting to read of your lives and nice to have your comments! And I have run into other interesting blogs as a result of your blogs!

  

A special thank you to Rayna who linked to me from her blog and so many of her readers popped over to view my "Perspectives" blog. It has become my fourth most viewed post as a result of your mention!!!!  

As for my birthday day! I had a wonderful day and had lots of great gifts--- Shelly at work made me a delicious brownie pizza to celebrate. A brownie pizza is a brownie (made from your favorite brownie mix) baked in a pizza pan then topped with M&Ms and Caramel drizzled on top. Sound ridiculously decadent? It is! You can also add marshmallow and peanuts if you really want to pile on the toppings. Thanks so much to Shelly!!! (I have a picture of her elsewhere but I won't post it here as it is rather silly and she was embarrassed by it.)

I received a lovely antique table cloth from my wonderful friend Jan (she is also pictured elsewhere). She knows how much I love Key West and combined it with her love of buying antiques and found this tablecloth of Florida after she heard about them on Martha Stewart. Too fun!  

You'll note Key West is at the end of the Keys there and marked with a Sea Turtle. There are tablecloths like these of other states and if anyone knows more about them, I'm interested now that I have one!

I spent a wonderful day with Maurice, antique shopping (no pictures??? what was I thinking!?!?!?) and a little Christmas browsing (not shopping for others) then we had family time with a fun game and cheesecake (my fav!)

My son, Mack, ready to eat

Here we are dishing it up... Nisa on the left next to my son is Aubrey's girlfriend (I caught her completely unaware). Aubrey is Maurice's son. And Maurice is on the right serving cake.  

    

and gifts! Cuddly warm socks for the woman whose feet are always cold ~from Maurice!

Beautiful earrings from Nisa and Aubrey that are from the Museum of Nature and Science

A favorite TV show (I am completely mad about Mad Men-- if you haven't seen it yet, you HAVE to! It is quality television! ) from Maurice's other son who is away at college and Books for the Bibliophile (from Maurice and Mack)

So a wonderful day all round! 

Special thanks to Mo for making it a marvelous day!!! For that matter Thank you always to Mo for making life fun, full of  adventure and reading and writing and laughter! 

Ruminations on Freedom Day & I had to open my Big FAT Mouth

Freedom Day

Five years ago yesterday was the anniversary of the signing of papers that ended my marriage of eighteen years. For some it might represent promises broken, a stage in life filled with happiness, fond memories, and love, ending. Without going into too many details let me simply say, that this was not the case for me. My marriage had begun as union of obligation and duty and had probably never really altered much beyond that in eighteen years. So I celebrate it-- not because it was the day of any actual freedom but as a symbol of something that actually began some years before...

It says it all...

 At work yesterday, I (as I often do) had to explain Colorado state law concerning privacy to a customer and most particularly the right of privacy where the child is concerned. I was informed by said customer that I would in fact tell her what was on her children's card because "My children don't have any rights in my home."


"Well, in fact they do according to state law and if you want information from your child's card then you will need to have their cards when you come to the library if your children are not with you," I told her firmly for the third or fourth time.


"Just one more way the government is trying to take over our lives," was her in-congruency.

Life in the fast lane...

Life in any metropolitan area is about getting places. And getting there as quickly as possible...

You drop the kid(s) off at school... 

and head off for a busy day: housework, work, or before you get to any of that, if you live in the Mile High city you may very well hit the exercise trail

The coin

         A penny lay on the pavement unnoticed by most, but the coin collector spotted it amidst the yards of pavement and bent down to pick it up. "Guess what year?" He held it up so she could scrutinize it's smooth edges and dark coppered tinting.

          "1986" a random guess as good as any other she shrugged.

          "Close. 1982... If you could go back, what three things would you do differently?" An everyday question that had no everyday answer.

          1982.... the world turned upside down and inside out and wrongside up.

          "I'd change... everything." No place to begin or end in this story. "Everything needed to change.You?"

          He shrugged. "Dunno. Not much. Nothing really, I guess. It was good."

          "You were fortunate. Most of us have something we wish we could change" She noted the obvious and they walked down the street, their arms around each other in a deep silence that held regret, satisfaction, contentment and love.    

My son and I

My son and I often stand together 

looking down at the world, 

he in awed amazement 

at the new little universe 

he's discovered 

under his feet 

and I in delight at his wonder 

and astonishment 

each new bonanza brings.    

In Times such as these...

The political landscape coupled with the bleak news on the environmental front leaves me cold. I wonder and worry at the future that faces my children and their children (if they have children which I pray they don't) An evening in front of the telly watching that show that I mention occasionally here and blog about at http://keywesttv.tumblr.com/ with a glass of champagne and some chocolate generally brings my piece of the world back into perspective-- or at least allows me to hide from the ugliness for a while.

When I was a child, books did that for me and I try to review the good ones I read here as well. When I was in high school and college, I discovered that theater held a similar magic for me. I could transport myself into another world and obliviate the pain and ugliness that surrounded me. I was also a music major in college and music became an ever increasing escape for me as I practiced and honed my instrument. Hours in a tiny practice room were spent hooting-- emitting an admittedly horrible sound that I was told would eventually enable me to reproduce the lovely songs of a nightingale. I don't know if I ever reached that Zen phase of a songster, but I still find myself melting to certain vocalists.

To that end, I recommend Claire Tchaikowski. With a vocal quality that floats amidst the clouds, she offers songs that balm the soul and carry it skyward. Virtually unknown amidst the teenybopper sameness on American radio, she offers the listener some of the qualities one might have expected from a vocalist-- such as range and tone quality. You can watch her video and hear one of her lovely songs on Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/user/clairetchaikowski

Winter wonder--what?

The couple seemed to belong together, a pair that had grown to look alike the way dog's begin to look like their owners. I watched as they drove up to my little car. (And when I say car-- I mean it in the broadest sense of the word. It's really closer to a skateboard with a motor is somewhat... sorta... affectionately called Rusty-ol'-Bastard... or Bucket-of-Bolts when I am really peeved with it. Since both ROB and BOB are derivatives of Robert they are fairly interchangeable, I guess. But I digress...)

Her accent was thick, only moderately mimicking english. "You need a jump?" was how it translated with the added signals that I was sitting in ROB with the hood open and a hopeful set of jumper cables at the ready.

"That would be great!" The kindness of strangers is always surprising but nevertheless welcome when it's 22 degrees, a smothering snow is falling and tromping around my car means wading in icy waters. "But I don't know how your going to get to where my battery is."

The man, with an equally dense accent, leaned out of the window. "Push it out."

Oh right! I'll just give it a little shove! I smirk inwardly. But before I can form any audible protest or objection, the elderly woman (is 60something elderly??) has jumped out of the incredibly American fully-loaded 4x4 Ford truck to position herself in front of my car. "You go..." she signals for me to get the car out of gear or steer or something. I swim over to the driver's side of the car, double check the break and gear so they will not prevent any attempts at moving it and position my feet so that I can pull while she pushes. We rock the car a moment or two and I sense the car relaxing and preparing for a nap. I was all prepared to tell her a regretful "thanks but no thanks" when another man exiting the grocery store sees our efforts and runs around to the front of the damn Bucket of Bolts to help. He digs in and gives us the impetus we needed to back the car out from between the two autos that sat silently grinning at our efforts.

"Thanks!!" I am again speechless with the kindness of the random good deed that occurs out in the big, bad, scary world. The man waves and jumps in his car and takes off, leaving me in the "helpful" hands of my new Russian friends.

At this moment, it suddenly occurs to me that the woman's husband is sitting cozily in the cab of the truck, watching our attempt to get the car out of the parking space, but I'm too intent on getting the car going to really give any serious thought-- sick? handicapped? The man's door opens and he lowers himself down to the ground, signalling something to his little wife. Hmmm... not handicapped...

Raise the hood. Get the jumper cables on the battery. "red negative, black positive" I say over my shoulder.

He attaches the cables to his battery and signals that I should jump in the car to start it. A miniature fireworks display goes on under the hood of ROB. A second later he holds up a melted cable line and the clamp falls into the snow. "Broken!" He looks at me expectantly like a child saying "you broke it!"

Right! Well, now we know what happens when you don't connect the cables positive to positive, negative to negative. Go in get new cables from King Soopers (Thank god King soopers believes in having a little bit of everything!). Rush back out to the waiting couple-- wait! waiting woman. No sign of her husband.

I hand her the cables thinking her husband will appear to connect the cables and I can start the car. "You connect" she says after unraveling them and quickly giving them back.

Okay, I'm a modern woman. I can take care of myself and if they don't mind my touching their truck, then I can make sure we don't burn through another set of cables. Connect red to red, black to black (Their battery is actually color coded- mine is not. Thus the confusion??? Maybe?? Whatever the problem, sparks are a bad thing.) Touch my clamp to the battery. No sparks-- shew. Engine starts. SHEW!!!

"Thanks so much for your help!" I give the pedal another nudge to ensure the car does't give up it's fingerhold on life again.

"It starts?" She peers under the hood surprised.

"Yup! We can take these off." now I can get out of here! I pull off the cables and wrench the hood shut. She waves over toward the dimly lit sidewalk where her husband stands... waiting... out of the snow and slush...?

He tromps over and peers in the car. "It works?"

"It works," I nod and give the engine a little gas to prove it's capable of a producing sound. "Thanks so much for your help!"

"Sure, sure" he nods and waves. I begin backing out of the spot we'd angled the car into and turn just in time to see the man lift his foot toward his wife. She bends down and brushes at his shoe and adjusts the King Soopers bag that apparently shields his foot from the damp. He stands erect and quiet, a hand gently on the woman's bent shoulder to balance himself, offended at the elements, proud of his sacrifice.

Reason again?

A recent commenter on my post "Reason" stated "God is a meaning larger than ourselves that creates a framework for the randomness that is life and death." I do not disagree with the comment, after all, death is the great unknown, the darkness that is beyond what we know, yet a fundamental fact of life (and for ancient people who died at the age of 45 or so it was even more so). And it is this fear of death that causes so many to cling to the hope of something or Someone in the BEYOND.

I was raised a Christian-- with the devil and hell as deeply ingrained upon my psyche as the idea of god. There was no doubt in my mind for most of my life, including adulthood, that some people would go to hell. But the more I pondered upon who exactly it was that was going to hell, the more ridiculous the afterlife seemed to be. After all, if christians are right (and they sincerely believe they are!) most of us who do not BELIEVE (and note that I am not saying that you have to be good or anything-- you simply have to believe) that jesus is the son of god, that he died for our sins, and will come again some day to save us all, then we, the ones who don't believe that exact line about Jesus, are ALL going to hell. And it is this fundamental fear that still streaks through most Americans, in particular, whether they actually go to a christian church or not. And it is this same fear that the church, as stated in the article I quoted from the Telegraph in my post "Reason" that church leaders hope to capitalize on.

And as far as "the randomness of life" well, I will say that on the most fundamental level-- the quantum level life is random and that is difficult to understand. In fact it is the very randomness of life that seems to keep life on any kind of stable ground. For example: if electrons spun around the nucleus the way they should according to classical physics, the atom would not exist. It would collapse. But because the orbit of the electron is random, the atom is sable. And the atom is the fundamental building block of all life. Even Einstein struggled with the randomness that quantum physics revealed yet his belief did not change the facts of quantum physics. He was a genius, yet he was wrong fundamentally about the randomness of the universe.

Finally, to the idea that believing in god makes people better or gives them meaning that might give them a greater purpose as seemed to be implied in that statement (although if it was not implied by the commenter it does not take away from the importance of making this point)... most people who believe in god do not adhere to a higher standard of living or behavior because there is a god, and in fact too many of them behave abominably and can because they BELIEVE the right thing. They don't have to ACT in any certain way. god forgives them after all and they are going to heaven! (i.e George Bush or Mohammad Atta although these are not even very good examples since both had the very dangerous attitude that they were working on god's behalf. Perhaps Dick Cheney would be a better example of what I am trying to illustrate.)

In actuality, those people that do have a high standard of behavior or have a sense of a higher purpose may attribute it to god but if they gave some in depth thought to their standards they would most likely find that they would behave they way they do with or without god. It simply makes life better and they are able to hold their heads up in dignity. And after all, the life we have today is what we know and what we do actually have. It's worth doing well.

Atheist quote of the day:
"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children are smart." ~~ H.L. Menken