Tuesday: Craziness of spinning wheels, the rising sun and we are in motion. The unraveled ends feel less bristly. Talking through afternoon and the drive-by taxi service that gets him home & me back to work, then evening, dinner, won't be home till long after the sun's tucked into bed. Goodnight son.
Wednesday: Wheels set in motion at the rising sun. Again. Rushing, dashing, we're late! Traffic terrible, neverending stream of disruption. Late, hurry. You could... I can't. Why don't you just... I'm driving! Can't wait till I can. I can! Drop off. Go, go, go. Turn and head off without looking back. It's Already! Wednesday.
Thursday: Rolling again. Out the door with the same urgency as on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, tousled edges are feeling irksome. Catch up on Friday. Less work today! Deep breath, breathe. Thursday...
Friday: Spinning wheel that never slows, takes us out the door. Again. Rolling down the road, chatting between the chirps of incoming text message, the shredded ends of my cable keeps me moving, keeps us going. Asthma. Homework. Headaches. Sleepover tonight? His life flashes before my eyes: Babyhood, little boy, young man... Sure.
Saturday: Moving before there is time to think. Rolling into the day... Can I help you at all? (See blog entry)
Sunday: Too late to pull together the loose ends, it's time to gather up what is left of the unfinished ends and let it go. Too late to undo and smooth, pull in, tighten up or bind loose ends. Too late. Clean up, gather up, finish up.
Monday: Rolling out the door, catching the spinning wheel that sets us back in motion in our separate spinning wheels. I love you. Love you too. See you next week. Next time...when I'll pick up that frayed rope again, determined to do better, smooth the ends, undo the parts that are done wrong, and rewrap the parts that need redone. Next time, when there is...
More time...
(Ha! Just made it for my Monday post!!!!)
This sounds frantic. Is it possible you try to do too much? You need a life editor to come along and cross out all the things you don't need in your "life manuscript".
ReplyDeleteGood Lord...you need to slow down before you explode.
ReplyDeletei really like this post -- its such a real snapshot. you know, maybe you need "twenty minutes" ...it totally, totally helps to take even a single minute to find that quiet center of self that is unchanged even though the world blows around you. life is so busy, isn't it, no matter what stage of the game we're at!!
ReplyDelete